Completing my Bucket List

I’m not OK – and that’s OK

“You’re not pretty enough”

“Why don’t you have kids?”

“You’re too weird”

“You should wear make up”

“Lose weight”

Why do we let other people’s words and actions define how we think about ourselves?  Bullies at school knocked my confidence for years, and just as I started to build it back up I then put up with years of arse hole managers at work.  I managed to escape that and started a new job earlier this year, happy to be in a place with a good atmosphere and good management, but 2 weeks after I started someone close to me ripped any remaining confidence I had, leaving me a complete and utter mess.

After 2 months of crying, sleeping tablets and DRs appointments, I’m finally here writing this post.  48 hours have passed without crying, and that’s a step in the right direction at the moment.  One step at a time.

I don’t want this blog to be somewhere just to share the happy times in life, because that is not a real reflection of life.  Instead going forward “Completing my Bucket List” will be a place where I share real, honest thoughts, and the way I’m going to work on my confidence, physical and mental health, and work towards my life goals, all through bucket list living.  I hope this will help others reading it too.

I try give across the image of being a strong woman, and I know deep down I am, so why can’t my actions reflect what I know I can be?   That’s what I’m going to figure out.

Having a bucket list shouldn’t just be a list of items you can check off in a minute/day/week.  Some of them should be life and personal achievements.  So, for me at the moment, that’s working on my mental health.  Lots of baths, candles and reading are helping daily, but I’m currently on a waiting list to see a therapist to help me deal long term.

There is no shame in admitting needing help, and I don’t think mental health issues should be hidden or shamed.  Just now I am sad, I’m broken and not where I want to be in life.  But on the plus side, I’ve acknowledged it, I’m getting help, and one day I know I’ll feel better.

 

Feel free to share any of your personal struggles below.  Sometimes It’s good just to get things written down.

Talk soon.

Laura x

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